As I am writing this, I am at a poetry reading at my college. It is so funny but also amazing to see what comes out of the minds of the people here. You might ask if I am reading something tonight. The answer is, no. I am not going to read any of my poetry tonight. Yes, I do write poetry. No, I will not read or publish any of it. My poetry is very personal, and most of it is depressing. I write a lot about unrequited love. (It seems to be a theme in my life.)
From the time I started writing, I would write a bit of poetry now and again. I have my moods in which I write, and most of them are pretty depressing. My greatest work, which is constantly being revised and will not be published until I die, if at all, is my take on Beauty and the Beast. The Beauty is seen through the eyes of everyone and is known for her kindness as well as physical appearance. The Beast is known to the social scene as the outcast, the loser, and very physically unattractive. However, the Beast is a regular guy who doesn't conform to what others want him to be. For this, he is looked upon as a Beast. Also, he sees himself as a Beast. He notices his flaws and many imperfections. He uses them as an excuse to stay hidden from the world.
But I have told you enough. I have written this in 4 books. Each one a change in time and movement through the sands of their lives. If you truly are interested, either comment or come talk to me. I enjoy both.
One more thing, for those of you wondering. Yes, my leg still hurts. I pinched a nerve in my hip and it is very painful whenever I put a decent amount of pressure on it. So please, don't worry about me, I'll heal in time. Just shoot me a smile till then. :)
TI
Friday, April 15, 2011
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Trials, stuggles, temptations and failure :(
This post i am devoting to something that is a problem to both myself and many people around the world: Depression. I'm not talking about having a bad day or just not having things happen the way you want them. I am talking about the actual problem/disease Depression. I was diagnosed about 10 years ago with Depression. Since then I have had an explanation for when things don't feel right.
However, this does not mitigate the situation. Knowing what the disease is and coming to terms with it are two entirely different things. I know what happens during depression, I am a licensed EMT and have been through the training. But it does not prepare you for the lifelong struggle.
This past week has probably been one of the most depressing since I have been in California. This month I have struggled and tried to become a leader on campus though running for Student Senate and applying for the RA position at school; in addition to other minor pursuits that I have put time and much effort into. I was not hired as the RA, I was not elected to the Student Senate, and everything in my personal life seems to be going awry. Yes, this week has thoroughly, and supremely sucked.
This past week and a half:
I learned that the girl I like probably has no feelings for me whatsoever, and is looking at a going out with a boy back home. (Strike one)
I applied for the RA position and did not get it. This one really hurt because of the time, effort and desire I had for this position. (Strike two)
And the kicker: This past week, I ran for Student Senate President. I lost the election. Here's the real problem that I had: my opponent didn't run a campaign. Other than the speeches that we were allowed to give after chapel last week, there was no effort on her behalf. I used every means available to generate support. She didn't do anything. Other than the fact that she is a girl running for office in a school that is 65% female and being incumbent, there is no other advantage she had over my campaign. This ticks me off because it truly reveals 2 things. 1. Student Senate/Council/symposium/etc. positions are nothing but popularity contests. and 2. The incumbent generally wins because the thought is not about pros and cons of the candidates, but the question becomes "Why should I take her out of office?" (Strike three)
These things, in addition to other insignificant things, have all compounded to the strongest bout of depression I have felt in a very, very long time. One of my favorite classes, a theology class, couldn't cheer me up. Now I am laying in bed in a dark room with excruciating pain in my right leg due to a nerve injury from playing golf yesterday and the pain and my mood have sapped my appetite. I hope i get out of this funk soon, but even then, hope is just as dangerous.
However, this does not mitigate the situation. Knowing what the disease is and coming to terms with it are two entirely different things. I know what happens during depression, I am a licensed EMT and have been through the training. But it does not prepare you for the lifelong struggle.
This past week has probably been one of the most depressing since I have been in California. This month I have struggled and tried to become a leader on campus though running for Student Senate and applying for the RA position at school; in addition to other minor pursuits that I have put time and much effort into. I was not hired as the RA, I was not elected to the Student Senate, and everything in my personal life seems to be going awry. Yes, this week has thoroughly, and supremely sucked.
This past week and a half:
I learned that the girl I like probably has no feelings for me whatsoever, and is looking at a going out with a boy back home. (Strike one)
I applied for the RA position and did not get it. This one really hurt because of the time, effort and desire I had for this position. (Strike two)
And the kicker: This past week, I ran for Student Senate President. I lost the election. Here's the real problem that I had: my opponent didn't run a campaign. Other than the speeches that we were allowed to give after chapel last week, there was no effort on her behalf. I used every means available to generate support. She didn't do anything. Other than the fact that she is a girl running for office in a school that is 65% female and being incumbent, there is no other advantage she had over my campaign. This ticks me off because it truly reveals 2 things. 1. Student Senate/Council/symposium/etc. positions are nothing but popularity contests. and 2. The incumbent generally wins because the thought is not about pros and cons of the candidates, but the question becomes "Why should I take her out of office?" (Strike three)
These things, in addition to other insignificant things, have all compounded to the strongest bout of depression I have felt in a very, very long time. One of my favorite classes, a theology class, couldn't cheer me up. Now I am laying in bed in a dark room with excruciating pain in my right leg due to a nerve injury from playing golf yesterday and the pain and my mood have sapped my appetite. I hope i get out of this funk soon, but even then, hope is just as dangerous.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)