This post i am devoting to something that is a problem to both myself and many people around the world: Depression. I'm not talking about having a bad day or just not having things happen the way you want them. I am talking about the actual problem/disease Depression. I was diagnosed about 10 years ago with Depression. Since then I have had an explanation for when things don't feel right.
However, this does not mitigate the situation. Knowing what the disease is and coming to terms with it are two entirely different things. I know what happens during depression, I am a licensed EMT and have been through the training. But it does not prepare you for the lifelong struggle.
This past week has probably been one of the most depressing since I have been in California. This month I have struggled and tried to become a leader on campus though running for Student Senate and applying for the RA position at school; in addition to other minor pursuits that I have put time and much effort into. I was not hired as the RA, I was not elected to the Student Senate, and everything in my personal life seems to be going awry. Yes, this week has thoroughly, and supremely sucked.
This past week and a half:
I learned that the girl I like probably has no feelings for me whatsoever, and is looking at a going out with a boy back home. (Strike one)
I applied for the RA position and did not get it. This one really hurt because of the time, effort and desire I had for this position. (Strike two)
And the kicker: This past week, I ran for Student Senate President. I lost the election. Here's the real problem that I had: my opponent didn't run a campaign. Other than the speeches that we were allowed to give after chapel last week, there was no effort on her behalf. I used every means available to generate support. She didn't do anything. Other than the fact that she is a girl running for office in a school that is 65% female and being incumbent, there is no other advantage she had over my campaign. This ticks me off because it truly reveals 2 things. 1. Student Senate/Council/symposium/etc. positions are nothing but popularity contests. and 2. The incumbent generally wins because the thought is not about pros and cons of the candidates, but the question becomes "Why should I take her out of office?" (Strike three)
These things, in addition to other insignificant things, have all compounded to the strongest bout of depression I have felt in a very, very long time. One of my favorite classes, a theology class, couldn't cheer me up. Now I am laying in bed in a dark room with excruciating pain in my right leg due to a nerve injury from playing golf yesterday and the pain and my mood have sapped my appetite. I hope i get out of this funk soon, but even then, hope is just as dangerous.
praying for you, man.
ReplyDeleteHey Josh...I am sorry your struggling right now. I am praying for you and just wanted to encourage you to surrender to Him. I love this quote that says, "It is hard to trust him, when we have our world before our eyes, but only once we trust him can be surrender ourselves to him in a way that might change the world.". As 2 Cor 1 says, "For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort." While things of this world will get us down, be encouraged that it is not those things we live for. It's not easy since what we know are things of this world, but refocus your thoughts on Him and His kingdom. Only whats done for Him will last and truly count. Be encouraged that God's love is greater than any humans and isn't conditional. Just because you aren't student senate president, don't be afraid to be a godly example next semester...even if it isn't in the spot light. Think of some way you can be an encouragement to the student body outside of student senate, maybe in a more spiritual aspect of reaching out to the younger students! There are so many opportunities to lead if you don't get caught up in the fact that it wasn't how you imagined. Trust me, I have gotten caught up in that too, but God's way is ALWAYS better :) Lord willingly, you will have a woman who you couldn't have imagined a better half of :) After the love of my life chose to break my heart, I thought I'd never find anyone as amazing, yet I am seeing now that God has a sense of humor because I love someone who could not be better for me...and I had NOOOOO idea! haha :) Anyways, be encouraged that God's plan is greater and is often painful at times, but brings us to dreams greater than we could have imagined and that honor and glorify Him more. Put your hope and trust in Him and not in things of this world...such a good reminder to myself too. Praying for you friend! I know depression is not an easy thing to deal with...I grew up around biopolar and depressed people and suffered a time in my life of depression when I lost my love...but refocus on your only treasure and hope...Christ, not on the idols of this world that WILL leave us depressed because they do not fulfill us like Christ does! Love you brother and praying for you.
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