Life at Home: You don't apprciate what you have until you lose it.

Well, I'm at home.  I live in the Chicago area with my Dad.  Through out my first week home, I have had a tough time adjusting.

I have been living on my own for a couple of years in Iowa.  When I was in Iowa, I lived on my own, with financial help from my Dad when I didn't have work.  I learned to fend for myself and have the freedom I wanted to have.  Now that I am home, I don't have any of that.  I have to pick up my brother at the whims of my mother, especially.  I have spent most of my recent years away from home.  As such, whenever I am home my friends, my family, and everyone else wants to spend time with me before I leave again. I am trying to spend most of my time studying or playing World of Tanks.  (the online game that is sending me to Russia)  I am trying to do as much as I can because, frankly, I miss school.

I miss having friends around me.  There is no one around my home that is my age. All of the people I know and attempt to hang out with are younger than I am.  To make matters worse, I am the only one that regularly attends church, and have very few things in common with them.  It is hard because I cannot discuss anything of any intelligence with them.  I am a people person.  I love to talk and spend time with people.  But, I do not have the spiritual or intellectual stimulation here, so I feel very lonely.

Loneliness has been hitting me hard these past couple of days.  I am trying to straighten things out in my personal life.  As the title indicates, I am realizing now, more then ever, what I have lost.  I desire companionship, but I am not willing to lower my standards.  I have studied and prayed and striven to find the right one, but alas, either I or the other party have managed to screw things up so bad that there is no hope of reconciliation. It is hard to be alone.  Even God said that it is not good for man to be alone.  So, in short, I am having a tough time with loneliness with family, friends, and personally.  Praise the Lord for his adequacy when I am so inadequate.